Two horrific incidents of gender-based violence have rocked the political world, leaving two elected officials and one of their partners dead. In Virginia, former Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax allegedly killed his wife Cerina before taking his own life. In Florida, Stephen Bowen was charged with killing his wife, Coral Springs Vice Mayor and Florida Democratic Party Vice Chair Nancy Metayer Bowen, who was about to announce a congressional run.
These are not isolated tragedies. Nearly 25% of women have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lives, and intimate partner violence affects more than 12 million people annually in the U.S. Almost three women are killed by a current or former partner every day, accounting for more than half of all female homicides. The convergence of two such cases within weeks is a glaring red flag for society.
Two interrelated crises are at play: a long-standing pattern of violence by men against women, and a deeper crisis of masculinity that creates the conditions for such violence. As Gary Barker of Equimundo and Ross Morales Rocketto of Run for Something argue, the problem is not that these men are monsters, but that a rigid code of manhood—teaching boys to provide, win, and never seek help—validates violence as a logical response to frustration and loss.
More than half of U.S. men agree that “no one really knows me,” and three-quarters say no one cares if men are okay. Nearly 80% of U.S. suicides are by men. Equimundo’s research on the “Man Box” finds that men most trapped in this code are the most likely to harm partners and themselves. The script offers only two moves: dominate or disappear.
In Fairfax’s case, the court record shows a familiar arc: career collapse, isolation, daily drinking, a gun purchased after losing his security detail, and a bitter divorce. Bowen’s online identity—“God. Husband. Armed.”—fits the same cultural frame. Their wives, and the children who witnessed the violence, paid the ultimate price.
The answer is not softer men who avoid conflict, but men who can give and receive care; who call each other at 2 a.m.; who name their pain before it hardens into rage; and who intervene when they see men on the verge of violence. This “caring masculinity” is built in ordinary spaces—gyms, churches, union halls, barbershops, recovery rooms—where men can be known and held accountable.
As the nation grapples with a deepening generational divide over national identity, and amid a broader political crisis that often amplifies toxic behaviors, the authors urge a deliberate effort to redefine manhood. The work now is to build a version of manhood that is close enough to reach, strong enough to hold, and available to every boy and man who needs it.
Cerina Fairfax and Nancy Metayer Bowen were the victims, full stop. But to prevent more women from being buried, we must confront a culture that has stripped men of the skills and relationships they need to cope. As other systemic failures demand action, this crisis of violent manhood must no longer be ignored.
