In its latest cold open, “Saturday Night Live” turned its satirical lens on three of Washington’s most prominent figures—Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, FBI Director Kash Patel, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh—depicting them drinking heavily at a Georgetown bar. The sketch, which aired over the weekend, leaned into the real-life controversies surrounding each man, from allegations of excessive drinking to the administration’s Signal chat security breach.
The scene opened at Martin’s Tavern, where Colin Jost’s Hegseth ordered a “reverse Irish car bomb”—a shot of beer dropped into a pint of whiskey. “It’s just nice to have my sneaky bar here where I’m not going to run into anyone from work,” Hegseth remarked, adding that none of President Trump’s people “like drinking as much as I do.” The joke echoed long-standing scrutiny of Hegseth’s drinking, which came up during his confirmation hearings alongside allegations of sexual assault.
Matt Damon reprised his role as Kavanaugh, ordering six Bud Lights and three shots of Jameson—a combo the bartender, played by Kenan Thompson, dubbed a “6-3 decision.” The line was a direct nod to Kavanaugh’s own confirmation hearing in 2018, where he famously declared, “I like beer. I still like beer.” Kavanaugh told Hegseth he “kinda figured I was going to find you here,” and the Defense secretary asked if he’d accidentally included the justice in a Signal chat—a reference to the March scandal where military operational details were shared in a group chat that included The Atlantic’s editor-in-chief.
Aziz Ansari’s Patel burst in shouting, “Does this bar take cash?” to high-fives from Hegseth and Kavanaugh. The FBI director asked, “So what’s up, are we wilding out tonight or what?” Kavanaugh replied, “Yeah, we always wild, K-Pop demon hunter,” a nod to Patel’s controversial past comments. Hegseth, referencing the Iran ceasefire, said he had “nothing to do tomorrow” and mocked it by talking out of his butt—an impression of Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura. The sketch also touched on Patel’s personalized bourbon bottle, which The Atlantic reported on amid allegations of his excessive drinking, a story Patel is suing over.
Near the end, Kavanaugh shared “top secret” information: the Supreme Court would allow Trump to run for a third term. When Hegseth protested it was unconstitutional, Kavanaugh said the president found the original Constitution and wrote “sike” at the end. The bartender called last call, and the trio sang the chorus to Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping” before shouting, “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.”
This marks the latest in a series of SNL cold opens targeting Hegseth and Patel, who have become regular punchlines for the show. The sketch underscores the ongoing political theater surrounding these officials, blending real policy blunders with personal foibles.
